These Emotions
by Affectionate-Ferret
Summary: So confused and unsure. Ben knows he's different than the other teenage boys who're always fantasizing about girls, when he realizes that he fantasizes about boys. But there is that special boy he has a crush on. What is this strange emotion? BeVin
1. Tease

**Disclaimer: I dun own Ben or Kevin…though if I did…**

No one had taught Benjamin Tennyson about emotions and feelings. No one had taught him about them being perfectly natural. And no one had taught him what homosexuality was either.

To Ben this feeling was weird and unnatural. He knew he was different from all the other boys. Whenever he was around his buddies during soccer they would look around and point out how 'hot' the girls were or how they wanted to 'kiss every inch of _that_'.

Sure, the girls were pretty and they were attractive, but they didn't do anything for Ben. Instead while the guys were admiring the ladies Ben would admire the guys. Looking over their bodies and blushing when one smiled and waved at him. Ben was different. And he knew it.

But he was unsure of these feelings. They made him feel like a weirdo and he didn't know who to discuss this with. Often he would lie in his bed at night and yell into his pillow. Nothing made sense!

Wasn't a teenage boy like him supposed to like girls, not other teenage boys? Wasn't he supposed to fantasize about naked girls? Not naked guys? So many thoughts like these often ran through his head, day and night. It frustrated him and often caused him to break down in tears.

Ever since he met that Raven haired boy when he was ten he felt like this. Kevin hurt him though…but when he had to leave Kevin…he felt heart broken. That was until he came back. He felt bright again and somewhat more lively. But it still hurt. It also didn't help that he liked Gwen. (Blech!)

Everything seemed to hurt him now. But when he wasn't feeling crumby he just thought back and would blame his teen angst. But he knew it was something more. He was just trying to kid himself…pfft. Teen angst. Whatever.

Ben was having those crumby emotions and felt depressed. He was lying in the dark of his room with his music blasted. He had his face shoved deep into a pillow and his mind focused on one thing.

His hands by his sides played with the sheets as he gave simple shaky sighs every so often. Goddamned teen angst was driving him crazy now. Gaargh

Ben sighed again then lifted himself so he was now sitting on his heels. He stared at his wall then out the window at the dark navy sky; littered with stars and a crescent moon. How dare tonight be gorgeous when he was feeling lousy!

Ben stood up then headed towards the opened window and leaned out. He breathed in steadily. That sweet night air had a calming effect on him. It made him forget half his worries and the cool wind massaged his tense muscles.

Ben closed his eyes feeling in content for the first time in a long while. He inhaled through his nose and let it out through his mouth. He could've fallen asleep like that if it weren't for something hitting his hand over and over.

Wearily he opened his eyes and looked down at the shadowy figure below. He cocked an eyes brow and squinted until the image came clear. He blushed then ducked back inside when he saw Kevin standing there.

"Oi! Ben you dork." He heard Kevin whisper in a harsh voice.

_Ouch_

Ben peeked back outside to see Kevin standing there looking up at him annoyed. "What do you want Kevin?" I asked just barely loud enough for him to hear.

"I want you to come down here so that I'm taller again!" he yelled in a semi-serious sorta joking voice.

"But maybe I like being taller." The younger boy teased.

Kevin seemed to frown at him, "I'm not kidding anymore Tennyson. I'm serious. Come down here so I can talk to you."

Serious? Since when was Kevin ever serious? Ben groaned, "I can't Kevin. I have to stay here."

"Why? You grounded or som'm?" he asked cocking an eyebrow.

Ben blushed. "No. But if I leave I will be." He muttered.

"Don't be such a chicken shit Tennyson. Get down here so I can talk to you!"

Ben growled at him menacingly then slipped back inside and left his room, carefully he tip-toed down the hall and out the door where he found Kevin waiting.

"Okay. Now what did you want to tell me? What can possibly so important that it'll cost me my freedom and get me grounded?"

Kevin glared at him before reaching out and ruffling Ben's soft brown hair, "I just wanted to know what's up?"

Ben's eye twitched. How he wished to destroy the older boy right here and now. And he would've attempted his murder if it weren't for his contemplating emotions.

"Ben?"

"What?" Ben asked through clenched teeth; hands balled into fists at his side.

"Why have you been acting so weird lately? I mean your always weird but…it seems like something more. And just because I'm an asshole doesn't mean I don't notice when my friends are troubled. I mean come on. I'm a good guy deep down." He said almost unable to stifle the laugh bubbling up in his throat.

Ben eyed him then grabbed the color of his shirt and tugged his down to eye level. "You look like Kevin." Ben let him go then looked around, "Okay, where're the cameras?" he asked while shoving his hands in his pocket and looking around suspiciously.

"Screw you Tennyson." Kevin replied back to him as he also looked around.

"You wish Levin."

Kevin glared at him before grabbing Ben's forearms and slamming him into the side of the house. Ben gasped abit from having the air knocked out of him but when he got that air back, he noticed Kevin staring at him with those dark brown eyes. Ben blushed at him then looked away.

"You have no idea, do you?" Kevin whispered suddenly. He had a look of seriousness on his face and…something else that Ben couldn't even put his finger on. Something that made a shiver run down his spine.

Ben pressed himself further into the wall, desperate to escape Kevin's hold on him. He could tell his face was red, he knew Kevin could tell his heart as beating faster.

Ben felt so vulnerable, so weak. If he were normal or even thinking straight- he would've been fighting Kevin or even struggling… but no! Instead he practically gave into the touch, enjoying the feeling of Kevin's steady breath on his face.

He closed his eyes and grinded his teeth. Why did he feeling this way? God, he felt stupid. He must've looked strange in this state, practically giving himself to Kevin. If only…

Kevin inched his face closer; closely examining Bens face. He smirked then let the younger boy go, but just to see Ben still pressed against the wall and his face still scrunched with worry.

"What's wrong with you Tennyson? It's now like I was gonna rape you." He laughed.

Ben opened his eyes, tears threatened to escape. He breathed out then turned away from Kevin and with out a word, headed back inside.

Kevin stood there with his hands on his waist and a frown on his face. "Was it something I said?"


	2. Kevin

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ben or Kevin…still**

Um…beware a mature situation…yeah

Ben sat in class, half of his thoughts on what the teacher was saying and the other half on his 'sickness'.

He liked the way Kevin's hands felt against his arms…he almost gave into the thought of Kevin 'raping' him. But if he wanted it…than it was basically him wanting Kevin to touch him, kiss him, whisper things to him and….Ben blushed when he felt himself throb.

He exhaled quickly and tried to hold back the moan in his throat. Damn it. He just had to have school today. Well it was a good thing that it was the last period, not too much longer until the bell signaling that school was over would ring.

Ben's teacher stopped talking for a second when she spotted Bens flushed face and fidgeting fingers. He had his gaze to the floor with his face in the crook of his arm and his leg bouncing up and down. He looked so nervous and uncomfortable; beads of sweat fell down his face.

"Just a second class- work on page 32 questions 2-11" She said as she approached Ben. She kneeled down so she was eye to eye with him then tapped his arm. He gasped and jumped as his eyes averted towards her.

"I'm sorry Ben. I didn't mean to scare you. Are you feeling alright?" she asked in a caring teacher voice.

He bit his lip then looked away and lowered his head, "No."

"What's the matter then Ben? You can tell me, I've been a teacher for a long time. I've heard and seen _everything_." She assured him.

His leg continued to bounce as he looked around the room to see everyone either doing their work or just doodling. He was unsure of what to tell her. He grunted softly then blushed more as he leaned in towards her to whisper in her ear.

When he pulled away she had a look of realization on her face. She patted his shoulder then dismissed him. He smiled with relief then ran off out the classroom, hearing a few students whining and questioning why he got to leave early. But she only told them that it was none of their concern.

Ben exited the building with helmet and book bag in hand then walked towards the bike racks; the pain between his thighs gone by now. He unlocked his bike then got on and rode through the grass and to the side walk.

Ben decided to take the long way home, so he could try and clear his thoughts. He sighed as the cool wind brushed his warm cheeks, calming him a little more. Ben rode down the street, trying to keep his mine off of everything…especially Kevin. No…don't think about Kevin, don't think about Kevin, don't think about…who?

Ben smiled softly then sighed again while changing his brains subject to…crap! That was Kevin's car up ahead! No one else in this town had a Green Camaro- come to think of it, he never really seen one until Kevin came along unexpectedly those few years ago.

"Aah!" Ben was so caught up in staring he forgot he was riding his bike and bumped into a bumped into a fire hydrant. He fell to the ground after his bike, causing him to skin his elbow and bruise his leg. Ben sat up and hissed softly as he watched blood drip off his elbow.

"Need help?"

Ben looked up to see Kevin pulled over, leaning out the window and smiling.

'Fuck' Ben thought.

"Um…sure."

Kevin chuckled softly to himself then opened the car door and helped Ben up before grabbing his bike and shoving it in the trunk.

When he got back in the drivers seat he saw Ben in the back holding his bloody elbow, "Better not stain my car Tennyson." He warned.

Ben didn't reply but only stared out the window in a blank awkward stare. He looked so deep in thought and was he…blushing?

Kevin ignored this thought and pulled away from the curb and went down the road.

"I was just heading over to pick you up from school when I saw you on your bike. Why are you out so early?"

Ben blushed a little deeper then mumbled out a 'none of your business.'

Kevin just snorted and continued his drive to Ben's house.

As they got to the brunettes house, Kevin pulled into the drive way where Ben's parents' car was supposed to be.

"Are your parents' home?" Kevin asked, also noticing the car was gone.

"They should be." Ben was confused.

He entered the house to find it unusually dark. Kevin followed behind him, just as curious.

Ben walked into the kitchen and saw a small yellow note on the cupboard. He approached it then picked it up.

It was his mother's hand-writing.

'Benny.

Went to visit Gwendolyn and Grandpa out of town.

Chicken nuggets are in the oven.

Love mom'

Ben stuck out his lip in a pouting manner then set the note down and walked towards the living room to see Kevin standing in the middle of the room staring at the walls.

Ben cleared his throat loudly to catch his attention. It worked.

Kevin turned towards him, "Oh…so where're your parents?"

"Out of town." Ben sounded irritated.

"Cool."

Ben groaned then sighed and leaned against the wall as they stared at each other, "Do you want something to drink?" he trying not to sound upset as he offered the older boy something.

"Hows about a juice?" Kevin asked as he smirked at him devishly.

Ben cocked an eyebrow before turning back into the kitchen. He got out a couple of cups then dug into the fridge to pull out a carton of orange juice.

Kevin perched his lips then shoved his hands in his pockets. He looked around at the nice stuff that littered the room. He noticed a first place trophy and looked around. Then as he approached it, he heard Ben yell from the other room, "Don't Touch!"

Kevin flinched then frowned as he turned and sat on the couch.

Ben finally came back and set the drink down in front of Kevin on the coffee table. Kevin took it into his hand then brought it to his lips and sipped it softly.

Ben sat next to him then dragged his thumbs along the rim of the cup. He couldn't believe it.

He had the whole house to himself _and_ sitting right next to him was his biggest crush! Why did he feel this way towards Kevin?

His previous thoughts from school enveloped his mind and he found himself getting hard again. His thumbs played with the glass and his face reddened. He lowered his gaze to hide his face behind his bangs, hoping Kevin wouldn't notice.

Kevin looked towards him and noticed this strange behavior. He laughed, "What's wrong Ben? Feeling lonely already? Being all alone and-"

"Shut Up Levin!" Ben screamed, dropping his cup as he stood, spilling the orange drink all over the floor. Tears over whelmed his beautiful green eye and spilled over his cheeks before he could turn and run.

Ben ran to his room, and then yelled for Kevin to fuck off before slamming the door shut.

Kevin stared in disbelief at the spot Ben was just stand, unable to think clearly of what just happened.

Ben bit his lip and closed his eyes. Kevin was a horrible lout. He was rude, obnoxious, loud, stupid, and a freakin' bastard.

Ben moaned softly. So why did he feel this way? Out of all the boys he could've liked, why Kevin? Wasn't he supposed to fall for a prince charming, a knight in shining armor? An artist, a poet?

"Haah." He bit his lip harder. He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling as the familiar sensation came over him, a wave of color washed over. Just a few more strokes and- "K-Kevin!"

Ben panted softly and let his hands fall to his sides. He let his head fall back and eyes close. Kevin was such an asshole, so oblivious to how Ben was feeling, "Thank God." He muttered as he let his eyes drift open. He wiped his eyes and face with his sleeve then sighed.

"Why do I feel this way?"

**Affection: I don't know there the last scene came from XD I was bored and in math class while I wrote this instead of notes. I hopes you guys enjoy it. (I've also realized that the BeVin fans are so supportive of each other and welcoming…I like it. Also, I'm sick –achoo- My body hurts so much DX –sniffle-)**


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